Have you ever had a really crappy day? One that just makes you want to not only throw things out the window but watch them crash and burn to the ground and laugh menacingly at them as they fall? At the moment I want to do that with my computer. If my computer weren't the source of my music which distracts me from the world while I TRY to get work done I would surely be hauling it over to the window right now.
Seriously, it's been a crappy day. I could list off all the things that have gone wrong today but that would just be irritating to the world. I don't want to irritate the world. The world is already irritating me and I don't feel that reciprocating that feeling is really worth the effort. Instead, I'm just going to type whatever pops into my head. Maybe I will get something good out of this exercise. Maybe I won't. I suppose you will just have to keep reading and I will have to keep typing to find out.
Ok, just one complaint to the world (that didn't last long did it?): Why is it that when I'm having a crap-tastic day I ALSO have to have heartburn? Seriously? It's like there is a little fire-breathing dragon in my chest. I have used this metaphor before but it's honestly what it feels like. That little turd just will not quit no matter how much water I drink! Maybe we should try to harvest the energy exerted on the people who have heartburn who are trying to BREATH NORMALLY and then we wouldn't have to worry about gas prices and such. Seriously, I'm spending a lot of energy right now to just concentrate hard enough to type through the firey awful that is in my chest right now!
In the above paragraph (see above paragraph) when I typed out "fire-breathing dragon" for some reason I really actually wanted to type "fire-breathing unicorn." I think that would be amazing and I probably wouldn't feel as much hatred toward a fire-breathing unicorn making a home in my chest. I would likely name him Marty and we would be the best of friends. He would love knock-knock jokes and I would love it when he got the hiccups because, come on, what is more amazing than a unicorn with the hiccups? Nothing, that's what. I also think that "Fire-Breathing Unicorns" would be a good name for a rock band.
I was just reminded of a story that I thought I should share (which has nothing to do with either unicorns or heartburn... it really just popped into my head unannounced as if to say "Hey, what's up? You up for some reminicing? Oh, good, because I'm here to help, and also to sell you a really awesome vacuum!" Except, you know, memories don't talk or try to sell vacuums... what was I talking about?) Oh yeah, the story:
When I was little I used to spend a lot of time at my grandparent's house in Connecticut. Whenever Grandma would ask Grandpa Wayne what he wanted her to make him to eat he would say "coconut cream pie." I found this hilarious after someone explained to my 5-year-old self that it was funny because coconut cream pies are difficult to make and my grandfather was just being difficult by asking for one. I apparently thought it was something everyone said and so some years later (like 13) my boyfriend's mom asked me what I wanted at the grocery store and I responded with "coconut cream pie." I of course (still!) thought this was hilarious and that everyone else got the joke. I feel like I responded with "coconut cream pie" to her many times... UNTIL... one day my boyfriend's mom (who is now my Mother-in-Law and I only say this because it's weird for me to say that the word "boyfriend" for some reason) came back from the grocery store and told me that she looked really hard for coconut cream pie and couldn't find one to get for me. I asked her why in the world she would get me a coconut cream pie? I mean, I don't even LIKE coconut! Well, as it turns out, when you ask for a coconut cream pie, some people take you SERIOUSLY! I then had to explain that I always say I want a coconut cream pie! I'm so glad she didn't actually find one... I wouldn't have eaten it since I don't like coconut anyway and then I would have felt bad that she got me a pie and I didn't eat it! I have since stopped asking people for coconut cream pies just for the sake of being difficult and I suggest that you do the same so that you don't cause any more confusion than it absolutely needed!
I really want a huge map of the world. A huge colorful map that just screams "you should go to all the places on me because every place on me is full of awesome adventure!" I think I want one of the world and one of the United States like
this one and maybe
this one. I also think that the fact that I have lived SO CLOSE to Cape Cod for the last 5 years and not gone there even ONCE since I was a wee-little person who thought asking for coconut cream pie was just a huge joke is completely unacceptable.
Also, am I the last person in the state to hear that they are raising the Massachusetts sales tax? I feel it's something that I should have heard about by now. I am a pretty 'connected' person as far as internet social sites and news goes (blogger, facebook, twitter, email, etc., etc.) and I still have no idea this is happening! They are also closing post offices to save money! Can you believe that? They already have the extremely convenient hours of 9am - 5pm and they are also open until noon on Saturdays for those of us who are awake on Saturdays before noon (i.e. stay at home parents who can also go to the post office during the week from 9-5! Certainly not people like me who work all week!) And now, they are closing locations left and right! What is this world coming to?
One last thing... I think that you-know-where may have recently frozen over. My in-law's now have a collection of cats. They have 3. THREE! Count them with me now... One... Two... THREE! Three kitty cats! That's quite the assortment of hairbags! (My Dad always called our cat 'hairbag'... and also 'puds' which is short for 'puddy tat' which is what that yellow bird which I can't remember the name of in Bugs Bunny used to call Sylvester.) Anywho, my husband's parents, for not being 'cat-people' now have one more cat than I have! I have two cats. They have 50% more cat than me! It's like, if I had 100% of what a normal household should have for cats, they would have 150% of normal! They have cats and there are three of them and... get this... they are all LONG-HAIRED! Hahahaha! SO out of character but also SO wonderful that they got their kitties from a shelter and have given them a good home. :-) I'm thinking of getting one of these for my Mother-in-Law for Christmas... as a fun joke of course and not meant to imply that my MIL is crazy at all. In fact, she may be the most sane person I know... HAHAHAHHA! Omgosh, sorry, I couldn't keep a straight face! I tried, it just wasn't happening.
Anyway, behold,
The Crazy Cat-Lady Action Figure:
I feel better now that I have
talked typed randomly to you people for a while. Thanks. :-) Peace out cub scout.