A post for my Mother-in-Law

Yesterday (if all went well, I'm writing this on Wednesday and posting it on Friday) we surprised this woman for her 50th Birthday:

Surprised, as in, elaborately planned out for 2 months how we would get to Vermont, and get her in a specific place, without her knowledge.

This would be easy if we could just drive home, but we had to book flights well in advance. We also had to get a ride from the airport (luckily Amanda came too, so that part was easy, plus we got to ride with Miss Abigail, who is basically the love of my life even though she has no idea that's the case.) We had to contact people to have them change plans. We had to ask them to lie for us!

"Grampy, can you change your trip to Montreal but don't tell Denise why you are changing it? Actually, could you lie, but lie good? We don't want her to suspect anything. Kthanksbye."

"Oh, hey, Debbie, you don't know me, but you work with Denise, can you mysteriously make no one sign up for her scrapbooking class on Thursday so that she's not busy that night and we can surprise her for dinner? Yeah, however you can make that happen would be great."

Lots of interfering went down. Lots.

And you know what? I'm pretty sure she has no idea (remember, I'm writing this about 20 hours before this is all supposed to go down.) She's even planning a trip to see Amanda in New Hampshire for that weekend, AND booked her hotel already (hoping that's refundable! Oy!)

There are so many people in on this surprise, and it's been in the works since Christmas, and it's going to be awesome.

Even as I type this my hands are shaking a bit and my heart is pounding in anticipation. I want her to cry (out of happiness, of course.) I KNOW I will cry. I'm pretty sure Amanda might cry. Maybe Abi will cry (but she's 5 months old, so maybe it will be because her diaper is wet or something.)

I will have my camera. Hopefully I will be able to get some good shots of the surprise going down.

I am SO excited to do this for Denise. We were planning a trip in March anyway, and this just made so much sense, to plan it around a milestone birthday. And I know that having her family together will make her really happy. REALLY happy. Or, at least, I hope it will!

In honor of my most amazing Mother-in-Law, and perhaps the one person I write funny posts for, here is a quick thought about something funny, just to see if I can make her laugh, on this, the day after her birthday. :)

(Sorry Denise... but this is an awesome photo and I had to post it. :))

I've been thinking a lot about chocolate lately. Mostly because I am trying (TRYing... oh, how I'm trying) to eat a little more healthy lately. It's SERIOUSLY hard to work work work on an elliptical for 30 minutes, burn 300 calories, and then go home and eat two cadbury cream eggs in 1.3 minutes which total (wait for it....) 300 calories. Um, what a slap in the face.

This our nation, we like our fast food, processed food, sugar, salt, cholesterol. Yup, all those sound pretty good to me. Add to that carbs, creamy soups, and ice cream. More goodness. But not good for your body. Nope.

You know what is good for your body? Veggies. Peppers and broccoli and string beans (......humph.) Also, water. Water is good. But you know what? Water doesn't even taste like anything! I mean, I like a nice glass of cold water on a summer day, but I LOVE a nice glass of cold lemonade on a summer day much better... or a mug of hot chocolate on a winter day! Both of which are, you know, basically messing up water. "Let's take some water and totally mess with it and add copious amounts of sugar! Americans will be all over that!" Um, yeah, I am. Thanks. My thighs thank you... they are thriving on just that concept.

So, as Americans, we can do a lot. The assembly line and NASA and Feris Bueller's Day Off... we can come up with some pretty kick butt stuff. Now, how ridiculously hard would it be to come up with a recipe for chocolate that's low calorie and full of vitamins and minerals and rainbows and happiness? HOW HARD? Apparently very hard. Because it hasn't happened yet.

Just spend $1million and just do it... you would make your money back in about 4 hours (20 minutes at a movie theater... perhaps 20 seconds at a Weight Watchers meeting) and we would all be better off for it.

Now, take that recipe, and make another billion dollars and pour that awesomeness all over some low fat donuts (I know, I'm pushing it, but you're a millionaire now, just make it happen!) or mix it up with some low fat ice cream in a shake. Open up a fast food joint using this technology... pay some guy named "Jared" to eat your donuts all day every day for a month and see how much weight he looses. Billionaires. Kazillionaires. You will be so ridiculously rich that you will have to make up a new number because you will have so much money. You will be able to pay a team of scientists to come up with that name, and to count the money, and to wipe your butt and a whole host of other unpleasant things. No more butt wiping for you, no sir. You have a lot to look forward to my friend. (I assume we'll be friends, because I gave you this idea, and that you will give me roughly a billion dollars for the idea, my birthday is September 1st if you want to surprise me, and I will be so grateful that I will let you in on another secret... one that is perhaps more important.... did I end that parenthesis yet? No? Ok, here you go... )

That other, more dire, more awesome, more betterer idea? You've all heard of it, I'm sure. Here, I'll give you a hint:

"Beam me up Scotty!"

Yup. Teleportation. It needs to happen. For serious.

My Mother-in-Law (you know, the one we were talking about way up there ^ about an hour ago?) sent me this photo a while back. The caption read "see you soon!" She knows me, she knows how important this cause is to me:


Ok, so aside from being able to see my friends and family whenever I want, and go to dinner in Paris, and save endless amounts of money on flights and awkwardness during those airport scans (you know the ones... the "someone is looking at all I've got right NOW... somewhere... right now, someone is looking..." ** shudder **)

Aside from all those things, aside from the awesomeness of dinner wherever I want, there are other benefits. Getting clean water to those who do not have access to it, food to those who are starving, vaccines to those who are sick, eliminating drunk driving, car accidents, plane crashes, stubbed toes on long walks... the whole shabang. Of course there would be disadvantages (disease would spread super quick, hello smallpox.) BUT, the advantages would significantly outweigh the disadvantages. I mean, come ON, dinner in Paris. For serious friends.

So, those smart people reading this, or those with access to a lab, or money, or all three, get on these ideas. Get on it, and get to it, and become a gabazillionarie, or whatever you and your team of "people who come up with names of things and wipe my butt because I told them to" want to call it.

There you go. Kick butt ideas for the taking. Semi-free and all-awesome. You're welcome. :)